Why Men Cry During Plant Medicine Experiences (And Why It Matters)

Crying is not an uncommon experience during a plant medicine journey. Psilocybin often brings us into contact with feelings we’ve pushed away or learned to ignore, creating an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. 

In my work as a facilitator, I see this a lot. Lately, many of the men I’ve sat with have cried, and even sobbed, during their journeys. In those moments, it’s clear that this isn’t something going wrong. It’s exactly what they need.

Boys are taught from a young age to be lone cowboys: problem solvers, emotionally contained (except, perhaps for anger, which is more acceptable in the “right” context), self-reliant…and alone. 

This is a harmful ideal, and it does everyone a disservice. Real strength isn’t about shutting down or pushing through. It’s the ability to stay present with your own emotions without needing to escape them. Strength also shows up in your capacity to stay with someone else’s experience without trying to fix it or make it go away. We’re not wired to do life alone, even if that can feel safer at times. Research consistently shows that people thrive in connection, not isolation. In relationships, the ability to share your inner world isn’t optional…it’s foundational. Emotional openness is one of the primary ways couples build and sustain a sense of closeness over time. 

Psilocybin helps to undo some of this early learning and can reconnect people with their emotional worlds.

While I work with men, women, and those who identify as trans and non-binary, the majority of my clients these days are men. While crying certainly isn’t just for my male clients, it’s an experience that is often new to them and a bit uncomfortable at first. Sometimes they anticipate their tears during our prep work, expressing some embarrassment or a level of self-consciousness about what might happen. I do what I can to invite them to express whatever comes up in their session without feeling judged. Their bodies know what to do.

When it happens, there’s something in me that softens, and I can’t help but say to myself, at last.

When the tears start to fall – usually just a few at first – it feels like a door that has been locked and barricaded for years has finally been opened. A part of me celebrates.

Just to be clear, it’s not that crying is the goal or that crying is necessarily the best thing that can happen during a session. But when clients cry, it signals to me that something important is happening: they’re accessing something that might have been shut down. It could be unexpressed grief, an expanded ability to feel one’s emotions, a reconnection to one’s self. 

My clients often leave their session noticeably calmer, which makes sense: crying helps to regulate the nervous system. It’s like a sigh of relief for their bodies. 

The hope I hold for them is that they come away from the experience with an expanded awareness of their emotions and increased capacity to feel without fear or becoming overwhelmed. This often creates a deeper sense of connection to themselves and the people around them. 

One of the reasons these plant medicine experiences are so powerful is that what happens in these sessions doesn’t stay there. When men begin to reconnect with their emotions, it ripples outward into the rest of their lives, especially when they have ongoing support. Men who are more in touch with their emotions:

• Experience more intimate connections with those they care about, including better sex with their intimate partner. Emotional attunement is a predictor of long-term relationship success. 
• Make better decisions, because the decisions come from a less reactive and more grounded place, helping them make decisions that are more aligned with their values
• Enjoy their everyday experiences more, because they’re no longer cut-off from feeling
• Rely less on unhealthy coping mechanisms because they can face their challenges more directly. This is associated with less alcoholism, withdrawal, over-working, and fewer angry outbursts.
• Become more adaptive and resilient under stress. When they can identify what they’re feeling, they can respond appropriately rather than feel out of control, shut-down, reactive, or burned out.
• Experience better physical health. Suppressing one’s emotions leads to a number of health problems, such as increased risk of cardiovascular disease. This is a well-researched and documented area. Read The Body Says No by Gabor Mate if you want to learn more.

Plant medicine experiences, to have lasting effects, should be paired with therapy. This helps people take whatever their journey offered them and create new ways of living that supports their growth. Otherwise, the experience can quickly fade and simply become this “cool thing you did.”

Plant medicine isn’t the only way to do this work, either. While it takes longer, therapy can be extremely helpful, especially when it’s paired with somatic work. 

At a more fundamental level, give boys (and men) permission to cry, without fear of shame, rejection, or judgment. If that’s uncomfortable, ask yourself why.

If you’re a parent or an adult who otherwise spends time with kids, stay calm and regulated while you allow them to feel, and help them name what they’re feeling. It’s similar for us as adults: allow yourself to feel, but pair that with a steady, grounded presence when it comes to emotional expression.